I am a truly lucky man. I am married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Every morning, I look at her and am grateful that I get to look at her every day for the rest of my life.
On reading that you, will probably nod politely as we do when we meet someone who is delusional but harmlessly so.
My wife is quiet attractive, as her fans on her Instagram can attest, but she has yet to earn a professional modeling contract. That is because other people don’t see her as I do. In fact, I didn’t always see her as I do.
If I could plug you into a virtual reality machine that could give you the experience of skiing or pod racing or hang gliding, would it matter that it wasn’t real as long as it was believable? Of course not. Your perception is your reality. So why do we pay large sums of money and risk injury to ski and hang glide in real life? Because the only way to perceive that experience is to actually do it. We don’t have that VR machine.
I, however, do perceive my wife to be the most beautiful woman in the world. When I look at her, my brain (and other appropriate organs) respond as I would when looking at a head turning model. I have conditioned my brain to see her in this way.
We are instinctively aware of this phenomenon. When you catch your partner’s eye wandering and accuse them of not loving you, you are referencing this effect. When you are suddenly, truly, madly, deeply in love with someone, this will happen. You will only see their perfections and not their imperfections. Limerence Goggles.
The problem with that effect is that it gets weaker over time. As the shine of the new love wears off, you start to see the imperfections. A Habit of Gratitude, on the other hand gets stronger over time.
When Amy and I got together, I committed to her for life. This commitment led me to choose to focus on that which is good about her. Don’t get me wrong. It took me a little while to figure this one out, but once I figured it out, it was life changing.
Habit of Gratitude doesn’t sound as romantic as “true love,” but when you consider that “true love” tends to fade and whither when it encounters work and kids and money and leaving the toilet seat up, and a Habit of Gratitude builds into an impenetrable fortress, the romantic appeal grows.
Besides which, I think it’s more romantic that someone chooses to commit and find the best parts of a person rather than simply responding to some base instincts and neurological defaults. Don’t you?
How to be Married to the Most Beautiful Woman in the World
Imagine waking up every morning to see the most beautiful woman in the world in your bed. Sound good.
How about if you could do that but it’s the woman you’re already married to? That’s a lot easier.
How do you do it? Basically, what you need to do is see everything about her as perfect.
This means adopting a Habit of Gratitude. When we look at anyone or anything, our mind tends to point out flaws. Whether it’s that dirty spot in your house or the scratch on your car or that bit of cellulite your wife has. You can fixate on these flaws an appreciate what you have less and less.
The solution is to instead fixate on what is perfect. In your head or on paper, make a list of everything that is good about your wife (or your house or your job or your car).
Now, every time you look and see a flaw, reflexively think about something from that list of wonderful things. Likewise, whenever you look at someone else and compare them to your wife, go to one of your wife’s best traits and compare there. For example, a young woman might catch my eye on the street, and I would go to the thought of “sure, she’s pretty, but I bet she can’t cook worth a damn.”
I don’t know if she can cook, but it doesn’t matter. I conditioned my mind to react to seeing other women by thinking something positive about my wife.
Over time, because as I compare every woman in the world to my wife, and every other woman comes up short, I change my perception to that of my wife being the most beautiful woman in the world. I perceive myself as a very luck man, and this perception becomes my reality.
The crazy thing is that, my perception begins to affect her. Over time, she finds herself more attractive. Because she reflects some of my esteem, other people start to find her more attractive as well.
I Also Have the Best House and Nicest Car
This habit of gratitude works for everything in your life. I have the best house. To me, it is a luxurious mansion. My car is finer than the best luxury car.
When I drive around and see other houses, I compare them to my own house, but I always stack the game so that my own house wins. If I see a house that is beautifully decorated but small, I focus on the fact that it’s smaller than my house. If I see a house that is palatial and luxurious, I focus on the fact that it is much harder to maintain than my own.
By rigging the comparison game, my house is nicer than literally every other house I see. It doesn’t take too many comparisons before my mind is thoroughly convinced that I live in the best house.
Sure, I could compare negatively and covet other houses. Then I’d be miserable and disappointed with what I have.
Why would I do that, when I could instead be happy with what I have and love my life?
Sounds like a pretty silly way to live to me.
How to Develop Your Own Habit of Gratitude
Does the idea of having the most beautiful spouse, the nicest house, and the sweetest car appeal to you?
I make it sound easy, but it takes work to develop this mindset. If you find you are unable to do this on your own, I can help. Schedule a complementary coaching session with me, and we can talk about how I can help you to live your best life right now.