What Business and Life Coaches Can Learn From Sex Workers

They identify the right kind of potential clients, tease them with a preview sufficient to get them excited and into the right state of psychological arousal. At the proper moment, when the prospect is at peak excitement, they make their offer, and the client happily hands over their money for the services they are excited to receive.

Of course, what I am describing is the funnel sales process that many successful coaches use. Only a small proportion of coaches are actually able to use this strategy effectively while most struggle to get clients. If you are in the second group, you will find this article very interesting.

What coaches can learn from sex workers

As The Guy Who Knows a Guy, I meet a lot of people, from nearly every industry, class, race, and location.

Among these, I have met a number of women who work in various fields that are collectively referred to as “sex work.” This includes online performers, exotic dancers, call girls, and others. In these conversations, I have learned a few things that might surprise you and a number of things that have informed my own business as a coach. I’d like to share them with you.

Sex workers are real workers doing real work

To be clear, the women that I have spoken to are entrepreneurial sex workers. They have chosen this line of work and they control their business. There are many women in the world who are exploited and controlled, often dealing with drug addiction, violence, and even outright captivity. What happens to them is criminal, and is often allowed to flourish due to antiquated “moral” laws that simply restrict their access to the legal system to protect them. What happens to these women is a tragedy and a crime, but they are not who I am talk about in this article.

Full disclosure, I have been to a strip club one time, 15 years ago, and I have never patronized a call girl. My knowledge of the industry is mostly from conversations with women whom I have met and a couple whom I have coached.

Sex Workers Consider Themselves Professionals

Every woman in the industry I have spoken to takes pride in their work. Not a single one expressed any kind of shame or regret for what they do. Moreover, I found that most of them actually exuded a sense of confidence and empowerment.

This may simply be because they make a lot of money doing what they do, as we’ll discuss in a moment. But there are plenty of people who make a lot of of money who are quite unsatisfied.

I believe that their job satisfaction comes from the results they are able to achieve for their clients.

As a coach, we feel most satisfied in our work when a client says to us “yes, that’s was a powerful session.” When we get the verbal and non verbal cues that we have created an effect in them, we know that all of our training and preparation was worth while. We feel validated as coaches.

Add to that a client saying something like, “That was worth every penny,” and we’d be over the moon.

This is often the result that sex workers achieve with their clients, regardless of the type of work they do. Their work fulfills a simple, visceral need, so the satisfaction of it is apparent and unambiguous.

While we might end a coaching session uncertain as to how much progress has been made, there is no question if the client is satisfied in their business.

When you remove puritanical moral restrictions, and simply consider the fact that they get that kind of feedback multiple times per day, it is easy to see why they might feel empowered by the work.

Sex Workers are Entrepreneurs

They see a need in the market, identify value which they are able to offer, and they create offerings to provide that value to the market.

The strippers I have spoken with work at clubs where they are independent contractors. Rather than being employees of the club getting a wage, they get access to the club’s stage to gain access to the club’s customers. The club takes a cut of their revenues, and the dancers keep the rest.

For those who are fixed on hourly wage thinking, this may seem unfair, until you realize that these women are walking out at the end of the night having made $100 per hour or more for their efforts.

One particular woman I spoke with shared that she sees the club as a prospecting platform. She explained that she makes more than enough from private clients that she does not need the money from the club, but the club is a place to meet new clients whom she can elevate into far more lucrative private clients.

An online performer I met has a social media marketing funnel that Russel Brunson would be proud of. Optimizing the unique audiences, rules, and formats of TikTok Twitter, Reddit, and Instagram to draw prospective subscribers incrementally closer until they arrive at a pair of OnlyFans pages. One of the pages offers free content, and the other has paid.

The most successful performers are highly adaptable as the market and platforms shift, adjusting their business to the most profitable avenues.

The most important thing to notice here is that they control what they do. One might assume that they have to be nude to make money, but I have also met women who make decent money selling cosplay photos or other niche photography. Some sell audio.

Like any other entrepreneur, they identify what they are able and willing to do for their clients, and they identify the market for that produce or service.

People Spend A LOT of Money

People (mostly men) spend a lot of money at clubs and for other entertainment.

Coaches often second guess their pricing.

“Am I worth $100 an hour? Maybe I should offer a discount.”

Right now, as you read this, some guy is spending $500 to get 20 minutes in a VIP room.

I don’t know what goes on in that VIP, nor am I certain I want to know, but I have trouble imagining what could be worth that much money.

I speculate that part of the appeal of spending that kind of money is knowing that you have that kind of money to spend and doing so. It’s a form of conspicuous consumption. Men (and women too) like to feel a sense of power and control. Nothing says power like being able to drop $500 on a twenty minute experience.

Of course, not all spend that much, but it is common for dancers to make over $100 per hour. A dominatrix can command $250 to $500 per hour, and generally a dominatrix does not engage in sexual activity with clients. Call girls can make over $1500 per night.

They have a need and they are willing to pay to fulfill that need.

Coaches often assume that people just don’t have that much money to spend, and they hold themselves back because of it. It is quite possible that they don’t have that much money anymore… because that dominatrix they went to this week was expensive.

It is very important to recognize the difference between “they don’t have money” and “they choose to spend their money elsewhere.”

They Are Comfortable Asking for Money

A stripper sharing with me that when she is on the stage, everyone who is watching better be tipping or she will call them out right then and there.

She’ll say right to their face, “You don’t get to have them tip for you. If you want to sit at my stage, you better get your money out.”

“You don’t get to have them tip for you. If you want to sit at my stage, you better get your money out”

A lot of training for coaches is around having a call to action, confidently setting prices, and asking for money. We’re not good at it. We don’t like it. We’re not comfortable doing it.

Why? Probably because deep down (or on the surface) we’re not entirely confident in the value we can offer. Our prospects are often poker faced as we speak with them. Their heart may be pounding with excitement thinking about what we could do for their business or their life, but they’ve learned not to betray emotion because this is a business deal.

The sex worker, before she steps out on stage or turns on the camera, has decided what her value is, and that is re-enforced by the responses the gets from the audience.

Having money also makes it easier to ask for money. If you made $2,000 last night, it’s a lot easier to confidently tell someone that they should give you $40 for an 8 minute lap dance. $40 is a drop in the bucket to you, so you can talk about it like it is.

On the other hand, if you’re an entrepreneur eating Ramen with $3.14 in spare change in your pocket, there is a moment of pause when you tell a prospect that your program is $9,997.

Success breeds confidence which breeds success.

What Coaches Can Learn From Sex Workers

The sex work industry is incredibly varied, with a wide range of practitioners and numerous ways of engaging with clients. What I have shared above is the tip of the iceberg. This article was not intended to be an exhaustive discussion of the industry. Rather, my intention is simply to share some insights from an industry which most people know very little about.

What can we as coaches learn from this industry?

The thing that most struck me is the free flow of cash.

$30 for an 8 minute lap dance. Hundreds of dollars for the VIP room. A thousand dollars or more for a few hours with a call girl, multiple thousands if she stays overnight.

Next time you question your own rates and your own value, ask yourself if you can provide more lasting value than 20 minutes in a room with a woman. I don’t mean perceived value. I mean actual, lasting, life changing value.

If a customer spends $500 in the club on Friday night, he’ll be the same man on Monday morning that he was when he walked into that club. He’ll just be $500 poorer. He had a good time, hopefully, but he’s not actually better off.

Now, what can you do for a client who spends $500 with you and gives you 5 hours of their time. Can you make them better off? Can you give them clarity? Skills? Strategy? Anything that will make them better for the experience?

Often, as coaches, we compare ourselves to other coaches to determine if we feel we are worth the money. “What will $500 get with me versus $500 spent with another coach?” For many prospects, however, if they don’t spend the money with us, they are probably not spending it with a different coach. It is just as likely that money will go to recreational activities.

Not only does this demonstrate that far more cash is being spent than we realize, but it also shows a deep need that people have. One call girl I spoke to told me that she has multiple clients who will pay her multiple thousands of dollars to spend the night with her and not even do anything sexual. It is worth what many people pay for a month of rent to have the company of someone who will be kind, affectionate, and caring – even knowing that affection is bought.

Think about what this implies. A man so rich in wealth and poor in spirit and love that he would spend thousands just to be able to feel like someone cares about him. First, this should make many of us feel richer with the lives we already have, regardless of what our bank account says, but in business terms this demonstrates a powerful need in the population.

People are lost, lonely, isolated. Even those with fat bank accounts can have thin spirits.

Coaches are trained and practiced in providing support, care, and even kindness. We teach people to create better lives. We teach them to love themselves, recognize their strengths, build stronger relationships, and live the lives they are meant to live.

There is a desperate need in the population for what coaches do. Our society is isolating, exhausting, and dehumanizing.

The greatest lesson I have taken from all the sex workers I have learned from is that what coaches do is more important today than ever. People have money to spend. They have a need to find more meaning and satisfaction in their lives. It is incumbent upon us as coaches to recognize and identify those needs, share the value we can provide, and use our gifts and skills to make individual lives better and society stronger.

Michael Whitehouse is The Guy Who Knows a Guy. He is a connector and coach. He makes connections for people that make 1 + 1 = 11, and he teaches entrepreneurs to do the same. To schedule a call with Michael, click here.

Michael is the host of the Morning Motivation podcast which provides daily inspiration and motivation.

In the Guy Who Knows a Guy Podcast, he interviews successful people in many fields and shares business tips and tools.

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